Stupidity is spreading like a virus

Why is this happenning here, of all places. Jeebers, it’s bad enough that there are idiots in the states that think this is viable, but it’s worse that now the UK is getting hit by people who think that gay people don’t deserve marriage.

Not civil partnerships. That’s like saying “you can’t celebrate birthdays; no, you get annual enjoyment and life fulfillment celebrations.” It means something similar, but no-one in their right minds would think it was equal, because there are straight people over there with proper birthday parties!

This trend really pisses me off, and I think the main reason is that the arguments are just such crap. Here is what Coalition for Marriage says, responded to, by me, in a foul-mouthed stream-of-consciousness screed:

“Throughout history and in virtually all human societies marriage has always been the union of a man and a woman.”

For years of my life, I thought that it was OK to eat sand. Then I got to the age of 10, and realised that that was stupid, and I should change what I was doing to reflect that stupidity.

“Civil partnerships already provide all the legal benefits of marriage so there’s no need to redefine marriage. “

Ignoring what I said before: Civil partnerships already provide all the legal benefits of marriage so WHY NOT CALL THEM MARRIAGE?

“If marriage is redefined, those who believe in traditional marriage will be sidelined.”

Yeah, because once that’s happened, then no-one’s gonna want boring old regular skittles – everyone wants the awesome new crazy sour skittles that are all hip and new and shit. Except for the boring old straight people who make up 90% of the population.

Baldercrap! Gay people marrying is never, EVER going to change whether or not straight people want to get married. Ever.

“…and schools would inevitably have to teach the new definition to children.”

And? We made Pluto not a planet. That’s gonna affect a couple of hundred thousand science books, not a poxy few books on law and equality. Teachers will cope. Unless they’re homophobes.

And continue yelling!

“If marriage is redefined once, what is to stop it being redefined to allow polygamy?”

I’m not a polygamist, but tell me why that would be a bad thing. You can’t just state it and assume I’ll agree with you that polygamy is bad. Hell, people can make themselves happy in whatever consensual way doesn’t affect me. Does it affect you?

“Same-sex couples may choose to have a civil partnership but no one has the right to redefine marriage for the rest of us.”

Doesn’t redefine the – I assume – special bond you have with your partner. Your marriage isn’t having its source code tampered with.

“People should not feel pressurised to go along with same-sex marriage just because of political correctness.”

Ah, appealing to people’s hatred of PC-ness. Very clever, you!

“The Coalition draws upon a substantial body of evidence showing that marriage – as it has been understood for thousands of years – is beneficial to society, and that changing its definition would undermine that benefit.”

If marriage is so awesome, why are you blocking more of it from occurring? If you’re going to claim that it has less of a benefit if it’s gay, then prove it; show me good science!

“The Coalition is backed by politicians, lawyers, academics and religious leaders. It reaches out to people of all faiths and none, who believe that marriage is the most successful partnership in history and should not be redefined.”

Wait. Say that again.

“The Coalition is backed by politicians, lawyers, academics and religious leaders.

So you are backed by the SINGLE biggest group of policy makers and breakers in the country. Here we come to the thing I find most unappealing and monstrous about this whole campaign because, you see, this is a petition. But if it’s a petition, then why, OH WHY, are you telling us that you are essentially in the majority?

You don’t need our help. Go! Do what you want. Fuck with other people’s lives – we literally can’t stop you, if you have the backing you claim.

But why should we support you, if you’re the majority, and are in power? Oh, that’s right, because you’re doing battle against the rights of a minority. A tiny, vocal minority. A tiny, vocal minority that’re doing things you don’t like. And that terrifies you.

Fuck off, Coalition. To use internet speech*, go die in a fire. Can someone set up an “Anti-Coalition” Coalition? I’d totally sign that.


For actual news on this subject, check out this Pink News article I found.

For a funnier response to gay marriage than I could formulate, watch below.


Update: Lordcareylordcareylordcareylordcareylordcareylordcareylordcareylordcareylordcareylordcareylordcareylordcareylordcarey…

* Which is like the black speech but worse.


Posted on February 24, 2012, in Atheism & Skepticism, Politics and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Thing is, equal marriage makes gay people happy. And these people cannot bear that. Their mean-spiritedness will drive away anyone who thinks about what they are saying for a bit, or meets any normal gay person. And it is going to happen. In church, before 2016, I would say.

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